Its not About the Clothes

After going through my closet full of clothes one day I say to my husband “ I don’t have anything to wear” the irony in that sentence made my husband laugh. He says, “well then what is all of that in your closet” I shrug it off, because I know he is joking with me, “I need new clothes honey”  he goes, “ Didn’t you buy a shirt two months ago, you should wear that” “ yeah, but I need more clothes, I feel like I wear the same things over and over again”  

I believe as simple as this experience was, after reading Poduska Bernards Till Debt Do Us Part, I realized that I was spending money on things that were not valuable such as clothes, because I was never really satisfied. I could have gone out shopping for ten shirts that day and in a couple months get bored of them and want to buy more. Poduska’s principal four on under the ten financial principles says “ Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.”

That was just one of the principles that I believe I have a hard time grasping because we live in such a materialistic world, I believe that, that can be one of Satans tricks for us to risk our financial security. By understanding the the ten financial principles, which are;

1) Financial problems are usually behavioral problems rather than money problems.

2) If you continue doing what you have been doing, you will continue getting what you have been getting.

3) Nothing (no thing) is worth risking the marital relationship for.

4) Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.

5) We know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

6) You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need can never satisfy you.

7) Financial freedom is more often the result of decreased spending than of increased income.

8) Be grateful for what you have.

9) The best things in life are free.

10)The value of an individual should never be equated with the individual's net worth.

We are more able to remember what is most important to us. And use these principles to combat Satan's way of getting into our financial life. And want to leave you with a challenge from church leaders about finances 

“We encourage you wherever you may live in the world to prepare for adversity by looking to the condition of your finances. We urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchases to avoid debt. … If you have paid your debts and have a financial reserve, even though it be small, you and your family will feel more secure and enjoy greater peace in your hearts”

Resources: 

Till Debt do us Part Bernard Poduska 

(All Is Safely Gathered In: Family Finances). lds.org 

Unity in Marriage

Why is it that at times we feel opposite and distant from those that are closest to us? Shouldn't it be the other way around, where we feel the most united and one with those people? It is because Satan likes to interfere with those relationships. I have always been told, during courtship, Satan wants us to get too close, but after we get sealed, he wants us to tear us apart. One thing that Satan and God know is that when two people get sealed and are ready to live their lives, they are to learn to become one and united while enduring to the end together, and that is where he interferes, its not always an easy journey, there will be hardships, challenges that may come but we can either stay united through those times or we can feel apart.  

The Lord tell us how we should be united  “That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me” (John 17:18–21). Elder Henry B. Eyring expands on the Lords words by saying  "In those few words He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would be changed. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can then live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity." 

Now that we know how we are to be united, Elder Eyring gives us two things to look out for, 

"First, the Holy Ghost remains with us only if we stay clean and free from the love of the things of the world. A choice to be unclean will repel the Holy Ghost. The Spirit only dwells with those who choose the Lord over the world. “Be ye clean” (3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 38:42) and love God with all your “heart, … might, mind, and strength” (D&C 59:5) are not suggestions but commandments. And they are necessary to the companionship of the Spirit, without which we cannot be one.

The other warning is to beware of pride. A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power. With that power will come recognition from the world. Whether that recognition brings praise or envy, it could lead us to pride. That would offend the Spirit. There is a protection against pride, that sure source of disunity. It is to see the bounties which God pours upon us not only as a mark of His favor but an opportunity to join with those around us in greater service. A man and his wife learn to be one by using their similarities to understand each other and their differences to complement each other in serving one another and those around them. In the same way, we can unite with those who do not accept our doctrine but share our desire to bless the children of our Heavenly Father."

I know if we do this, we will be able to feel at peace and live in harmony with our spouse. 

Resources: 

That We May Be One Elder Henry B. Eyring 

 (D&C 59:5)

(3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 38:42)

(John 17:18–21)

Fidelity in Marriage

(https://mylutheranroots.com/2014/01/03/fidelity-in-marriage/)

One of my friends lived in the same apartment complex as my husband and I, and she had asked me to bring her some sugar. I was making dinner and had asked my husband to go give it to her. My husband told me that when he got there she opened the door and noticed it was just him, was almost awkward and just told him, that she would let him in, but her husband wasn't home. She thanked him for the sugar and came back to tell me his experience. He told me that he didn't even think about setting boundaries or rules within our marriage, and that we hadn't talked about rules we would set for ourselves when it came to our behaviors towards friends of the opposite gender, as well as how we will respond and what our boundaries are.  We talked all night about what we would be comfortable with and what we wouldn't. We left that conversation with more knowledge about how to combat Satan ways of infidelity. I love my husband so much, that I am not even able to express with words but with my heart. Satan makes us believe that the innocence of something that may be going toward something bad, is okay to do.  President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) said, “What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion.” 1

In the talk Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think by Kenneth W. Matheson goes through and talks about how we may think that infidelity is solely physical, and we forget to mention that it stems from an emotional point.  Emotional infidelity means emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind. I believe that this form of infidelity is the scariest because " it doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing." and we need to be careful about it.

Questions to consider and to reflect on, that we should be asking ourselves constantly are: 

• “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”
• “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”
• “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”
• “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”
• “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”
• “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”
• “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”
• “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

"Depending on how you answer these questions, you may need to make some changes in your life. Consider an open and honest conversation with your spouse—being sure to focus on yourself and not the other person. If you find you have some real challenges to overcome, you may want to talk with your bishop."

My friend with that simple gesture really helped my husband and I understand the importance of being loyal to our spouse and how we are able to show it, and to keep it. I want to end this by using the words of President Spencer W. Kimball, 

The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22). And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.”The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.

Resource:

Fidelity in Marriage: Its more than you think By Kenneth W. Mattheson 

Doctrine and Covenants 42:22 

Be Faithful Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142–43

Magic Six

In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman mentions the Magic Six Hours, which he believes that it will spontaneously fix and improve our relationships they are:

1. parting: before saying goodbyes in the morning, find out one thing which is happening in the partner’s life that day;
2. reunions: stress-reducing conversations at the end of each workday
3. admiration and appreciation: find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation towards your spouse
4. affection: kiss, hold, grab and touch each other when together
5. weekly date: could be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions [to update your love-maps] and turn towards each other. Talking out a marital issue or working through an argument can also be placed here.
6. State of the Union Meeting. This is where for one hour a week you talk about your relationship. He recommends starting with what went right and give each other five appreciations. Then he suggests that you discuss any issues that have come up using a soft start-up, moving on to problem solving using the two-circle method. 

As I was reflecting the concepts  in my own life, I came to a realization that it really enriched my marriage and we were able to better communicate. Looking first glance at these six concepts we can see that they aren’t major things like going out and buying your husband a brand new car to show him you care about him, or buying that expensive necklace that your wife would have loved, it's much more deep and everlasting. It is a way of life, living with a spouse, another human being who has needs to be met and needs love in their life. These simple 6 ways will help build stone after stone a strong foundation.

Something I first noticed about my husband was when we were dating he always wanted to go on dates, and he carried that into our marriage, so we both know that Saturdays are our date days, and this has been a blessing in our marriage as we get to talk about our week, spend time together, have fun, laugh, and build that strong foundation week by week, it is a precious time for both of us and we both enjoy it very much.

“Spending real face-to-face time with other people is necessary to build true friendships” can go along perfectly with these 6 concepts because they all involve some sort of communication between both partners.

My challenge to you is to try this out and see if it brings a far deeper desire to not only show your spouse more love but also build your relationship with them, I know it has for me.

Resources:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the countrys foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.

What About Dating? By Larry M. Gibson December 2012

Day to day forgiveness

As I go day to day in my own life, I have recognized that there are times when there is unnecessary conflict that stir up anger and frustration over small things such as, whose turn is it to wash the dishes, pointing fingers at whose fault it was that made the other late, or forgetting to pick up something from the store. There are many of these small things that may happen to you and you may be thinking of a few on your own.

My question to you is how are we able to take these day to day experiences and learn from them, instead of it causing negativity and anger within ourselves?

From the words of Elder James E Faust,

"We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings, it will take humility to do this, but if we can kneel down to our Heavenly father, and ask for a feeling of forgiveness, he will help us, the lord requires us to forgive all men; because hatred retards spiritual growth."

Yes, the answer to this question, takes humility and forgiveness! 

I never really understood what it meant to ask for forgiveness on a daily basis. I didn't think that I needed to because I didn't think I was a horrible person. But, as I have grown I have come to understand that I am not a  perfect human being, and although my sins aren't breaking commandments, I may fall short on other weaknesses that I have. 

In marriage, it is important to always be asking for forgiveness. It brings humility and the Spirit in our marriage and protects us from pride and anger. Two words,  that destruct marriages and brings Satan into our home. We need to understand that both our spouses and ourselves aren't perfect, and we are here on earth to learn to become more like Christ, and one of those ways is through humility and forgiveness. 

I want to end with the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 64:10

" I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

I challenge you to recognize those small conflicts and to become humble enough to forgive, it will only help your marriage grow! 

Pride vs. Humble

 "Humility is the friend of truth. Humility opens us up to the experience of others and to truth from heaven. Humility requires not only that we believe in God, that He is all-wise and all-powerful, but also that 'man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend'." According to the dictionary pride is defined as a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. I believe that pride is a very dangerous thing, and it can harm marriages, relationships and families. Because of this, we are to protect ourselves from pride, but how do we do that? Elder Benson gives us some suggestions, he tells us that a way to combat pride is with becoming humble. Yes, being humble lets pride now we are not wanting to join that cycle, being humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance. No, being humble does not mean weakness, it actually means that we are more willing to look away from ourselves and to look to God. When we humble ourselves before God we are showing God that we love him and trust him to help us and guide us to where we need to go. Pride gets in the way of that. Satan wants us to feel pride, because with pride we aren't able to progress, or ever really be happy. A few of the ways that Elder Benson said we can to do combat pride is to...

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.

We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)

 Let us try to follow his counsel on ways we can choose to be humble, and whenever pride comes along let us have the strength to run away from it, and to remember the words of the apostle saying

"Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can."

Resources: Beware of Pride by Ezra Taft Benson 
Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.
 (Mosiah 4:9)

We Come Second...

In my scriptures, on the first page I have a quote written that says; 

"Always put the welfare of your spouse first"

I read this a couple of years ago in a relief society lesson and it has always stuck with me. But what does that mean? Well, I believe that it is different for everybody and in every relationship. To some it may mean giving up watching a sports show to listen to a spouse after a long day of work, to another it may be giving advise to a spouse that is in need of help, and another it may be they are going through something difficult and need you to be there. In any situation that you find yourself in with your spouse pay close attention to the words of Elder Hafen, "But whatever you do, show in every action that your spouse has the highest priority. To be able to always put the welfare of our spouse first means to DO whatever we can to make them our highest priority. Do is an action word. We have to be doing things to be able to emotionally connect with one another. Its the same thing as wanting to buy a new suit, we have to work for it. Striving to have an emotional relationship with our spouse takes work and effort, but in the end it is definitely worth it, every single time. Creating that closeness between spouses helps build a foundation of trust, honesty, and love. If we are able to connect at that level we are more able to connect in times of trouble, which helps couples grow stronger together. Marriage isn't easy, and it definitely will cause our weaknesses to show, but that's what is the best part we are able grow through those experiences together, which again brings us closer emotionally.

My challenge to us all is to put our spouses first, and to do those things that will show love towards the other, if we do that we will be able to grow closer and have a stronger relationship.