Love is the Key

If you haven’t already read this, you have got to, its called “ Our Perfect Example” by Elder Henry B. Eyring https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng

I had a few thoughts I wanted to share will all of you today, and that is about how love should play a role in marriage.

“Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example. Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others. There is no surprise in that, since the Lord proclaimed those as the first and great commandments. It is love of God that will lead us to keep His commandments. And love of others is at the heart of our capacity to obey Him...He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves.

Love is one of the key ingredients when making marriage last. Not only are we to feel Gods love for others but we are to do so in our very homes, with our families and in this case spouses.

I love how he mentions that God has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. We were given families to practice our abilities to love one another. When starting a family, it starts out with a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, and between the two, practices of love for each other must occur to be successful. At times this may be difficult, we each have our own differences and our weaknesses may show a bit more, but Elder Eyring gives us advice on what  we can do to be able to strengthen our marriage as well as help us love our partner.

I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.

There were many things that I was thinking he was going to say and he possibly could have said but these are inspired words in which I believe that if we do them wholeheartedly we will be able to feel closer to our spouse and love them the way God loves them.

Beware of the Four Horseman

I wanted to start off by asking have you ever watched the movie Fireproof? If you haven't it is amazing, and I was so happy that it was incorporated in this weeks topics. I had actually watched this movie when I was single and couldn't believe that at times, perhaps not  the exact same situations but similar appears to be in my own marriage, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These mentioned are called the four horseman, I will be explaining each in hopes to help you be aware of them and to see what needs changing in your marriage. 

First, Criticism "You will always have some complaints about the person you live with, But there's a world of difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint only addresses the specific action at which your spouse failed. A criticism is more global-- it adds on some negative words about your mat's character or personality. 

        We have all been guilty of this before, I know I have, and to me when I  feel like I am criticized by my husband I don't usually like it, so why bring up something negative about someone else to tear them down if we are here to build them up? I know that there are times that we need criticize one another, but with the holy ghost, and with love. 

Second, Contempt, "Sarcasm and cynicism are types of contempt. So are name calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery and hostile humor. This is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.

      Knowing this we are able to remember that we need to treat our spouses with love, and respect. They are our partners, our best friends, why would we treat someone so close to us in that way?

Third, Defensiveness, "When conversations become so negative, critical and attacking it should come as no surprise that you will defend yourself. Although this is understandable, research shows that this approach rarely has the desired effect. The attacking spouse does not back down or apologize. This is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.  

      I know this is true for me, I tend to get defensive when someone is attacking me, but I believe the way to deal with this is to take a step back, calm down and to calmly discuss what is really bothering your or explain the situation through your eyes, with love and patience can make a world a difference. 

Lastly, Stonewalling. " In marriages where discussions begin with a harsh startup, where criticism and contempt lead to defensiveness, which leads to more contempt and more defensivness, eventually one partner tunes out. 

      I see stonewalling as a coping mechanism for when there is nothing you can do or say that will help change the other persons mind, so you tune out. This is harmful in a relationship because not having communication at all doesn't help the other person feel heard, or feels like they don't matter, being able to cope with stonewalling  could be by saying to your spouse to give you a minute to think could help if its a way of tuning out and still being there for your spouse. 

My challenge to you is to be able to recognize in your marriage what you are doing, not what your spouse is doing and to change it. I promise it will help you in your marriage, through communication and make your love grow deeper for each other. 

Marriage and Wolfs

Marriage is essential to our Heavenly Fathers plan.

    Now answer these questions, 

1. In my own life am I striving to become a better spouse or striving to later be a spouse?

2. As a priesthood or auxiliary leader, am I helping those I serve with basic principles to help strengthen their marriages and families?

Those were questions posed by Elder Bednar when explaining reasons to why Marriage is essential. If we aren't able to answer those questions, lets start with basic questions such as How do we strive to build an eternal family? Or even a strong marital relationship? I believe that it all comes down to us individually. We each as men and women have divine roles here on earth, we are each gifted with unique gifts, and our gender plays a role on this earth. If we understand this we are more able to utilize these tools to build a solid foundations for ourselves and help when we get married. The building blocks then go with spouses within a marriage, their foundation should be founded upon the words and teachings of Christ. Once rooted in Christ, they are able to build up from  there, their eternal family. You may be asking, Why is this unit of marriage so important? Well its important because God designed us to have families, how are we able have families?, we are suppose to first start with marriage. But in marriage it is not always sunshine and daisies, there is also rain and storms, Elder Hafen helps us to understand three wolfs that once recognized can help us over come these in marriage. First is Natural adversity, life happens, and there are ups and downs and with that to confront it we must grow closer rather than apart like mentioned in his talk. Like Adam and Eve before them, they mourned together, brokenhearted, in faith before the Lord. Second, was their own imperfections. Understanding that we, ourselves are not perfect, we have to understand that our spouse isn't either, but that is the beauty, we are able to better help each other work out those weaknesses and imperfections. Build each other up, rather than building them down. and Lastly excessive individualism,  personal autonomy is important but not in the way that Satan wants it, which exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. 

All in all, I believe truly that Marriage is important. I know that because I experience marriage everyday, no, marriage is by no means easy, but it is worth it. 

Defending Marriage

 I wanted to base my reflection and thoughts around Elder Nelsons Talk on "Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage" I love how he starts out by explaining the importance and power between a martial partnership, that both compliment, build up, and achieve more together than alone. But why is this partnership of husband and wife so important?

This is what we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints believe "...

Our message is shaped by divine doctrine, canonized in the Bible:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 

And God blessed them, and . . . said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. 

God is the Father of all men and women. They are His children. It was He who ordained marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!"

With marriage comes children and Gods plan is to multiply and replenish the earth, How are we to do that, if in our society, that plan is twisted, twisted meaning, that Yes, we believe that marriage is important, but not with same sex marriages, because they are both contrary to what God wants and that is to multiply and replenish the earth. Well some may say that same sex couples can adopt and raise them, but Elder Nelson said quite simply,        

  "Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad."

The apostle Paul saw our circumstances, he knew what we would be going through in these latter days, and that is why we need to speak up and speak out. We need to be able to stand up for our beliefs as well as live it.

"The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian. Your religion is not just about showing up for church on Sunday. It is about showing up as a true disciple from Sunday morning through Saturday night—24/7! There is no such thing as a “part-time” disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus invited anyone who wants to be His disciple to take up His cross and follow Him.

And I wanted to end with Elder Nelsons words...

"Are you ready to join the ranks?" 

Resources: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-marriage/