Its not About the Clothes

After going through my closet full of clothes one day I say to my husband “ I don’t have anything to wear” the irony in that sentence made my husband laugh. He says, “well then what is all of that in your closet” I shrug it off, because I know he is joking with me, “I need new clothes honey”  he goes, “ Didn’t you buy a shirt two months ago, you should wear that” “ yeah, but I need more clothes, I feel like I wear the same things over and over again”  

I believe as simple as this experience was, after reading Poduska Bernards Till Debt Do Us Part, I realized that I was spending money on things that were not valuable such as clothes, because I was never really satisfied. I could have gone out shopping for ten shirts that day and in a couple months get bored of them and want to buy more. Poduska’s principal four on under the ten financial principles says “ Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.”

That was just one of the principles that I believe I have a hard time grasping because we live in such a materialistic world, I believe that, that can be one of Satans tricks for us to risk our financial security. By understanding the the ten financial principles, which are;

1) Financial problems are usually behavioral problems rather than money problems.

2) If you continue doing what you have been doing, you will continue getting what you have been getting.

3) Nothing (no thing) is worth risking the marital relationship for.

4) Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.

5) We know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

6) You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need can never satisfy you.

7) Financial freedom is more often the result of decreased spending than of increased income.

8) Be grateful for what you have.

9) The best things in life are free.

10)The value of an individual should never be equated with the individual's net worth.

We are more able to remember what is most important to us. And use these principles to combat Satan's way of getting into our financial life. And want to leave you with a challenge from church leaders about finances 

“We encourage you wherever you may live in the world to prepare for adversity by looking to the condition of your finances. We urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchases to avoid debt. … If you have paid your debts and have a financial reserve, even though it be small, you and your family will feel more secure and enjoy greater peace in your hearts”

Resources: 

Till Debt do us Part Bernard Poduska 

(All Is Safely Gathered In: Family Finances). lds.org 

Unity in Marriage

Why is it that at times we feel opposite and distant from those that are closest to us? Shouldn't it be the other way around, where we feel the most united and one with those people? It is because Satan likes to interfere with those relationships. I have always been told, during courtship, Satan wants us to get too close, but after we get sealed, he wants us to tear us apart. One thing that Satan and God know is that when two people get sealed and are ready to live their lives, they are to learn to become one and united while enduring to the end together, and that is where he interferes, its not always an easy journey, there will be hardships, challenges that may come but we can either stay united through those times or we can feel apart.  

The Lord tell us how we should be united  “That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me” (John 17:18–21). Elder Henry B. Eyring expands on the Lords words by saying  "In those few words He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would be changed. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can then live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity." 

Now that we know how we are to be united, Elder Eyring gives us two things to look out for, 

"First, the Holy Ghost remains with us only if we stay clean and free from the love of the things of the world. A choice to be unclean will repel the Holy Ghost. The Spirit only dwells with those who choose the Lord over the world. “Be ye clean” (3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 38:42) and love God with all your “heart, … might, mind, and strength” (D&C 59:5) are not suggestions but commandments. And they are necessary to the companionship of the Spirit, without which we cannot be one.

The other warning is to beware of pride. A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power. With that power will come recognition from the world. Whether that recognition brings praise or envy, it could lead us to pride. That would offend the Spirit. There is a protection against pride, that sure source of disunity. It is to see the bounties which God pours upon us not only as a mark of His favor but an opportunity to join with those around us in greater service. A man and his wife learn to be one by using their similarities to understand each other and their differences to complement each other in serving one another and those around them. In the same way, we can unite with those who do not accept our doctrine but share our desire to bless the children of our Heavenly Father."

I know if we do this, we will be able to feel at peace and live in harmony with our spouse. 

Resources: 

That We May Be One Elder Henry B. Eyring 

 (D&C 59:5)

(3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 38:42)

(John 17:18–21)

Fidelity in Marriage

(https://mylutheranroots.com/2014/01/03/fidelity-in-marriage/)

One of my friends lived in the same apartment complex as my husband and I, and she had asked me to bring her some sugar. I was making dinner and had asked my husband to go give it to her. My husband told me that when he got there she opened the door and noticed it was just him, was almost awkward and just told him, that she would let him in, but her husband wasn't home. She thanked him for the sugar and came back to tell me his experience. He told me that he didn't even think about setting boundaries or rules within our marriage, and that we hadn't talked about rules we would set for ourselves when it came to our behaviors towards friends of the opposite gender, as well as how we will respond and what our boundaries are.  We talked all night about what we would be comfortable with and what we wouldn't. We left that conversation with more knowledge about how to combat Satan ways of infidelity. I love my husband so much, that I am not even able to express with words but with my heart. Satan makes us believe that the innocence of something that may be going toward something bad, is okay to do.  President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) said, “What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion.” 1

In the talk Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think by Kenneth W. Matheson goes through and talks about how we may think that infidelity is solely physical, and we forget to mention that it stems from an emotional point.  Emotional infidelity means emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind. I believe that this form of infidelity is the scariest because " it doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing." and we need to be careful about it.

Questions to consider and to reflect on, that we should be asking ourselves constantly are: 

• “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”
• “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”
• “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”
• “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”
• “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”
• “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”
• “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”
• “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

"Depending on how you answer these questions, you may need to make some changes in your life. Consider an open and honest conversation with your spouse—being sure to focus on yourself and not the other person. If you find you have some real challenges to overcome, you may want to talk with your bishop."

My friend with that simple gesture really helped my husband and I understand the importance of being loyal to our spouse and how we are able to show it, and to keep it. I want to end this by using the words of President Spencer W. Kimball, 

The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22). And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.”The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.

Resource:

Fidelity in Marriage: Its more than you think By Kenneth W. Mattheson 

Doctrine and Covenants 42:22 

Be Faithful Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142–43

Magic Six

In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman mentions the Magic Six Hours, which he believes that it will spontaneously fix and improve our relationships they are:

1. parting: before saying goodbyes in the morning, find out one thing which is happening in the partner’s life that day;
2. reunions: stress-reducing conversations at the end of each workday
3. admiration and appreciation: find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation towards your spouse
4. affection: kiss, hold, grab and touch each other when together
5. weekly date: could be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions [to update your love-maps] and turn towards each other. Talking out a marital issue or working through an argument can also be placed here.
6. State of the Union Meeting. This is where for one hour a week you talk about your relationship. He recommends starting with what went right and give each other five appreciations. Then he suggests that you discuss any issues that have come up using a soft start-up, moving on to problem solving using the two-circle method. 

As I was reflecting the concepts  in my own life, I came to a realization that it really enriched my marriage and we were able to better communicate. Looking first glance at these six concepts we can see that they aren’t major things like going out and buying your husband a brand new car to show him you care about him, or buying that expensive necklace that your wife would have loved, it's much more deep and everlasting. It is a way of life, living with a spouse, another human being who has needs to be met and needs love in their life. These simple 6 ways will help build stone after stone a strong foundation.

Something I first noticed about my husband was when we were dating he always wanted to go on dates, and he carried that into our marriage, so we both know that Saturdays are our date days, and this has been a blessing in our marriage as we get to talk about our week, spend time together, have fun, laugh, and build that strong foundation week by week, it is a precious time for both of us and we both enjoy it very much.

“Spending real face-to-face time with other people is necessary to build true friendships” can go along perfectly with these 6 concepts because they all involve some sort of communication between both partners.

My challenge to you is to try this out and see if it brings a far deeper desire to not only show your spouse more love but also build your relationship with them, I know it has for me.

Resources:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the countrys foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.

What About Dating? By Larry M. Gibson December 2012

Day to day forgiveness

As I go day to day in my own life, I have recognized that there are times when there is unnecessary conflict that stir up anger and frustration over small things such as, whose turn is it to wash the dishes, pointing fingers at whose fault it was that made the other late, or forgetting to pick up something from the store. There are many of these small things that may happen to you and you may be thinking of a few on your own.

My question to you is how are we able to take these day to day experiences and learn from them, instead of it causing negativity and anger within ourselves?

From the words of Elder James E Faust,

"We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings, it will take humility to do this, but if we can kneel down to our Heavenly father, and ask for a feeling of forgiveness, he will help us, the lord requires us to forgive all men; because hatred retards spiritual growth."

Yes, the answer to this question, takes humility and forgiveness! 

I never really understood what it meant to ask for forgiveness on a daily basis. I didn't think that I needed to because I didn't think I was a horrible person. But, as I have grown I have come to understand that I am not a  perfect human being, and although my sins aren't breaking commandments, I may fall short on other weaknesses that I have. 

In marriage, it is important to always be asking for forgiveness. It brings humility and the Spirit in our marriage and protects us from pride and anger. Two words,  that destruct marriages and brings Satan into our home. We need to understand that both our spouses and ourselves aren't perfect, and we are here on earth to learn to become more like Christ, and one of those ways is through humility and forgiveness. 

I want to end with the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 64:10

" I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

I challenge you to recognize those small conflicts and to become humble enough to forgive, it will only help your marriage grow! 

Pride vs. Humble

 "Humility is the friend of truth. Humility opens us up to the experience of others and to truth from heaven. Humility requires not only that we believe in God, that He is all-wise and all-powerful, but also that 'man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend'." According to the dictionary pride is defined as a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. I believe that pride is a very dangerous thing, and it can harm marriages, relationships and families. Because of this, we are to protect ourselves from pride, but how do we do that? Elder Benson gives us some suggestions, he tells us that a way to combat pride is with becoming humble. Yes, being humble lets pride now we are not wanting to join that cycle, being humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance. No, being humble does not mean weakness, it actually means that we are more willing to look away from ourselves and to look to God. When we humble ourselves before God we are showing God that we love him and trust him to help us and guide us to where we need to go. Pride gets in the way of that. Satan wants us to feel pride, because with pride we aren't able to progress, or ever really be happy. A few of the ways that Elder Benson said we can to do combat pride is to...

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.

We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)

 Let us try to follow his counsel on ways we can choose to be humble, and whenever pride comes along let us have the strength to run away from it, and to remember the words of the apostle saying

"Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can."

Resources: Beware of Pride by Ezra Taft Benson 
Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.
 (Mosiah 4:9)

We Come Second...

In my scriptures, on the first page I have a quote written that says; 

"Always put the welfare of your spouse first"

I read this a couple of years ago in a relief society lesson and it has always stuck with me. But what does that mean? Well, I believe that it is different for everybody and in every relationship. To some it may mean giving up watching a sports show to listen to a spouse after a long day of work, to another it may be giving advise to a spouse that is in need of help, and another it may be they are going through something difficult and need you to be there. In any situation that you find yourself in with your spouse pay close attention to the words of Elder Hafen, "But whatever you do, show in every action that your spouse has the highest priority. To be able to always put the welfare of our spouse first means to DO whatever we can to make them our highest priority. Do is an action word. We have to be doing things to be able to emotionally connect with one another. Its the same thing as wanting to buy a new suit, we have to work for it. Striving to have an emotional relationship with our spouse takes work and effort, but in the end it is definitely worth it, every single time. Creating that closeness between spouses helps build a foundation of trust, honesty, and love. If we are able to connect at that level we are more able to connect in times of trouble, which helps couples grow stronger together. Marriage isn't easy, and it definitely will cause our weaknesses to show, but that's what is the best part we are able grow through those experiences together, which again brings us closer emotionally.

My challenge to us all is to put our spouses first, and to do those things that will show love towards the other, if we do that we will be able to grow closer and have a stronger relationship. 

Love is the Key

If you haven’t already read this, you have got to, its called “ Our Perfect Example” by Elder Henry B. Eyring https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng

I had a few thoughts I wanted to share will all of you today, and that is about how love should play a role in marriage.

“Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example. Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others. There is no surprise in that, since the Lord proclaimed those as the first and great commandments. It is love of God that will lead us to keep His commandments. And love of others is at the heart of our capacity to obey Him...He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves.

Love is one of the key ingredients when making marriage last. Not only are we to feel Gods love for others but we are to do so in our very homes, with our families and in this case spouses.

I love how he mentions that God has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. We were given families to practice our abilities to love one another. When starting a family, it starts out with a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, and between the two, practices of love for each other must occur to be successful. At times this may be difficult, we each have our own differences and our weaknesses may show a bit more, but Elder Eyring gives us advice on what  we can do to be able to strengthen our marriage as well as help us love our partner.

I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.

There were many things that I was thinking he was going to say and he possibly could have said but these are inspired words in which I believe that if we do them wholeheartedly we will be able to feel closer to our spouse and love them the way God loves them.

Beware of the Four Horseman

I wanted to start off by asking have you ever watched the movie Fireproof? If you haven't it is amazing, and I was so happy that it was incorporated in this weeks topics. I had actually watched this movie when I was single and couldn't believe that at times, perhaps not  the exact same situations but similar appears to be in my own marriage, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These mentioned are called the four horseman, I will be explaining each in hopes to help you be aware of them and to see what needs changing in your marriage. 

First, Criticism "You will always have some complaints about the person you live with, But there's a world of difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint only addresses the specific action at which your spouse failed. A criticism is more global-- it adds on some negative words about your mat's character or personality. 

        We have all been guilty of this before, I know I have, and to me when I  feel like I am criticized by my husband I don't usually like it, so why bring up something negative about someone else to tear them down if we are here to build them up? I know that there are times that we need criticize one another, but with the holy ghost, and with love. 

Second, Contempt, "Sarcasm and cynicism are types of contempt. So are name calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery and hostile humor. This is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.

      Knowing this we are able to remember that we need to treat our spouses with love, and respect. They are our partners, our best friends, why would we treat someone so close to us in that way?

Third, Defensiveness, "When conversations become so negative, critical and attacking it should come as no surprise that you will defend yourself. Although this is understandable, research shows that this approach rarely has the desired effect. The attacking spouse does not back down or apologize. This is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.  

      I know this is true for me, I tend to get defensive when someone is attacking me, but I believe the way to deal with this is to take a step back, calm down and to calmly discuss what is really bothering your or explain the situation through your eyes, with love and patience can make a world a difference. 

Lastly, Stonewalling. " In marriages where discussions begin with a harsh startup, where criticism and contempt lead to defensiveness, which leads to more contempt and more defensivness, eventually one partner tunes out. 

      I see stonewalling as a coping mechanism for when there is nothing you can do or say that will help change the other persons mind, so you tune out. This is harmful in a relationship because not having communication at all doesn't help the other person feel heard, or feels like they don't matter, being able to cope with stonewalling  could be by saying to your spouse to give you a minute to think could help if its a way of tuning out and still being there for your spouse. 

My challenge to you is to be able to recognize in your marriage what you are doing, not what your spouse is doing and to change it. I promise it will help you in your marriage, through communication and make your love grow deeper for each other. 

Marriage and Wolfs

Marriage is essential to our Heavenly Fathers plan.

    Now answer these questions, 

1. In my own life am I striving to become a better spouse or striving to later be a spouse?

2. As a priesthood or auxiliary leader, am I helping those I serve with basic principles to help strengthen their marriages and families?

Those were questions posed by Elder Bednar when explaining reasons to why Marriage is essential. If we aren't able to answer those questions, lets start with basic questions such as How do we strive to build an eternal family? Or even a strong marital relationship? I believe that it all comes down to us individually. We each as men and women have divine roles here on earth, we are each gifted with unique gifts, and our gender plays a role on this earth. If we understand this we are more able to utilize these tools to build a solid foundations for ourselves and help when we get married. The building blocks then go with spouses within a marriage, their foundation should be founded upon the words and teachings of Christ. Once rooted in Christ, they are able to build up from  there, their eternal family. You may be asking, Why is this unit of marriage so important? Well its important because God designed us to have families, how are we able have families?, we are suppose to first start with marriage. But in marriage it is not always sunshine and daisies, there is also rain and storms, Elder Hafen helps us to understand three wolfs that once recognized can help us over come these in marriage. First is Natural adversity, life happens, and there are ups and downs and with that to confront it we must grow closer rather than apart like mentioned in his talk. Like Adam and Eve before them, they mourned together, brokenhearted, in faith before the Lord. Second, was their own imperfections. Understanding that we, ourselves are not perfect, we have to understand that our spouse isn't either, but that is the beauty, we are able to better help each other work out those weaknesses and imperfections. Build each other up, rather than building them down. and Lastly excessive individualism,  personal autonomy is important but not in the way that Satan wants it, which exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. 

All in all, I believe truly that Marriage is important. I know that because I experience marriage everyday, no, marriage is by no means easy, but it is worth it. 

Defending Marriage

 I wanted to base my reflection and thoughts around Elder Nelsons Talk on "Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage" I love how he starts out by explaining the importance and power between a martial partnership, that both compliment, build up, and achieve more together than alone. But why is this partnership of husband and wife so important?

This is what we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints believe "...

Our message is shaped by divine doctrine, canonized in the Bible:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 

And God blessed them, and . . . said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. 

God is the Father of all men and women. They are His children. It was He who ordained marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!"

With marriage comes children and Gods plan is to multiply and replenish the earth, How are we to do that, if in our society, that plan is twisted, twisted meaning, that Yes, we believe that marriage is important, but not with same sex marriages, because they are both contrary to what God wants and that is to multiply and replenish the earth. Well some may say that same sex couples can adopt and raise them, but Elder Nelson said quite simply,        

  "Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad."

The apostle Paul saw our circumstances, he knew what we would be going through in these latter days, and that is why we need to speak up and speak out. We need to be able to stand up for our beliefs as well as live it.

"The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian. Your religion is not just about showing up for church on Sunday. It is about showing up as a true disciple from Sunday morning through Saturday night—24/7! There is no such thing as a “part-time” disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus invited anyone who wants to be His disciple to take up His cross and follow Him.

And I wanted to end with Elder Nelsons words...

"Are you ready to join the ranks?" 

Resources: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-marriage/

The first step starts with repentance...

      Starting today's blog post, I wanted to share first and foremost the importance of Marriage. There have been many worldly benefits of being married one of them being "... an increase in the percentage of Americans living in domestic partnerships as opposed to being single would have an apparently positive impact on the economy." But there is something much deeper than what it affects, it affects relationships not only with our spouse but also with other relationships we may have. Marriage is a beautiful union between a man and woman, that have love and respect for one another. 
      In this day and age, the trend has been moving away from the idea of marriage, we have seen cohabitation and starter marriages, the relationship that both of these have is that there is no commitment. The issue with no commitment is that both parties want an easy way out, if it gets hard, then they can slip right out without any difficulty. Why is this happening?
      Another issue is that that same idea is sinking into marriages that are wanting divorce, it is too hard, my needs aren't being met, they are stopping me from my potential on and on... One of the things that I have found most intriguing is when we are in these positions, we need to first ask our selves, Is there something that can be done about my situation, can I change? And when we answer these questions, we need to think of the first step, and that first step starts with repentance. 
      Repentance is one of the first principles of the gospel and is essential to our temporal and eternal happiness. It is much more than just acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart that gives us a fresh view about God, about ourselves, and about the world. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments. We need to remember that the "...remedy is not always divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation." "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."
If we have this mentality when thinking about getting a divorce or leaving our partner, we should first think about what we can do, what we can control and if we do everything we can do to re-build and up lift the relationship, we will be blessed  and we will be healed. It is not going to be easy, and at times even harder, but it will be well worth it.